Well I don't really post here anymore. And on top of that, I have a new MySpace page, which has a blog like this but a whole lot of other stuff too, so I think I'll just make my posts on there instead from now on, and consider this one dead. My new page is at:

http://www.myspace.com/kungfuattack

If you don't have a page there, I recommend getting one. It's nifty. When and if you do, send me a message or something on there so I can add you.

Lord Awesome out.
- posted by Aaron @ 4:24 PM

 
~Best Excuse *EVER*~

So Maury Povich is on right before I go to sleep, and it's one of those "Who is my baby's daddy?" episodes. This woman thinks her man is sleeping around on her, and his response? You've gotta hear this:

"Man, she say I smell like sex when I get home. It them sardines bitch, I eat that shit all tha time!"
- posted by Aaron @ 3:14 AM

 
Holy shit. This is a REALLY fucking bad sign. Ok go to this link and look closely, tell me what you see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Pope_Benedict_XVI&direction=prev&oldid=12526972

Notice anything? Look at the picture on the top right of the page. It's supposed to be the newly elected Pope Benedict XVI. See anything now? Look very closely at the picture of the "pope". It's not the pope. Who is it, you may ask?

IT'S FUCKING EMPEROR PALPATINE FROM STAR WARS.

You know, the wrinkly faced evil ruler of the empire and the entire galaxy, the head guy on the dark side? Yeah, him.

Does this worry anyone other than me?
- posted by Aaron @ 3:31 AM

 
Ok so I'm watching TV while studying for a test, and it's daytime so all the Soap Operas and toy commercials for kids home sick or not in school are on. It was then that I saw the greatest commercial, perhaps ever.

It started off like any other toy commercial, with a 10-13 year old boy playing on this contraption like it's the greatest invention ever. It's a variation on that game at arcades where you roll the ball up a ramp into holes with point values, except on this you bounce the ball off something into the holes. The announcer is explaining the game with the usual excessive enthusiasm, and the kid is having a decent time. But then it happened.

The announcer then said: "But wait, there's a catch. YOU ONLY HAVE 30 SECONDS!" And a wailing 80's guitar solo erupted, the likes of which hadn't been heard since Bill & Ted played air guitar, and the kid about shit his pants. All these lightning effects are going on and flames and what have you, and the kid is frantically bouncing these metal spheres into the hole as if he would be castrated upon failure.

I have to give the company credit for playing the *flames and gonzo 80's solo* card. It's not used enough these days.
- posted by Aaron @ 8:19 PM

 
Ok, so I came across a list of songs that were banned from the radio immediately (and temporarily) after 9/11, and it's pretty amusing. What's funny about it is that while otherwise most people wouldn't have made any connection between these songs and the event, them banning the songs leads you to think about it more and try and *make* a connection... and it's sometimes funny as hell. Possibly inappropriate, but still funny. Most of them are just songs that have some vague connection, like "Another One Bites the Dust" or "Fly Away". But I thought the most hilarious/inappropriate song title was "Hey Man, Nice Shot" by Filter.

The other amusing part was that out of all the songs banned, AC/DC had the most, as tame as thier songs are. Why? Because EVERY AC/DC song is about fire and explosions.



- posted by Aaron @ 6:41 PM

 
I'm going to be getting a new car sometime this semester, probably within the next few months. I've already decided what I want. The make and model can be whatever, that's not what I'm interested in. What I want is one of those big megaphone speakers on top of the car that you can talk through so I can talk to people while driving. Pull up next to some guy at a red light that cut me off earlier and "Hey. You. Yeah, you hear me. Go fuck yourself." Driving next to an old lady and "Ma'am! Ma'am! There's a big wasp right behind your head! Don't crash!"

- posted by Aaron @ 5:01 AM

 
I think I just have an evil mind. There's this commercial on where a family is posing in a living room for a family photo, with a christmas tree in the background and whatnot, and you can see the back of what seems to be an old lady's head, appearing to be holding up a camera. Well, it pans around and shows the old lady telling them to say cheese, and she's holding a stapler up to her face like a camera. Naturally I start roaring, thinking it's a commercial for an alzheimer's facility or something, and that I just saw a terribly ballsy commercial that poked fun at throwing a crazy old woman into a home.

Then the old lady turns around and sighs, and a narrator says "Take Grandma's hint, get her a digital camera for christmas." Dammit, it was legit.

- posted by Aaron @ 7:45 PM